I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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