also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You are the jesus of drinking
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
