i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
