i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
