its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
