Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
