and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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