she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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