My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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