When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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