Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
