I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
