one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
