Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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