Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
"it" just moved
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
