theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
