omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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