We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
