and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
