just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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