I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
