am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
