its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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