Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do vagina's smell?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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