I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
