I want to make a zoo with you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
