bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
