Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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