Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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