we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I will be naked everywhere
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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