Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
