Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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