I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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