Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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