woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
