just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
