There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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