he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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