i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize