My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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