I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
