thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
