I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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