I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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