I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
