I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
