I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
