I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Are we still banned from the library?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
