Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
