either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
MIDGETS
????
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
