is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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