Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
