Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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