why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
