Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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