My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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