there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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