i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
