Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
