Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
