I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
