There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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