I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
