Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
