i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
