can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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