The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
