My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
