My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
