i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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