Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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