I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
