i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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