I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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