Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
