There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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