when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize