two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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