Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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