I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
