I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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