my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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