; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
