Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
