I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize