went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
