At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
