I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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