just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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