is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
