I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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