I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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