There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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