You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
