I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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