I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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